This week, I’ve been overthinking a lot. However, because of a good conversation on Monday, with that man who was in New Zealand, I remembered the morning pages.

While I’ve been overthinking a lot, especially in the beginning and mid of the week, I slowly feel a bit better. On Wednesday, I haven’t done anything while I was in the café. I literally stared into the air until my neck hurt. I’m thinking about my situation. It scares me so much. I don’t sleep. And I still don’t really know how I can generate any income, while being happy with what I do. I really need the flexibility and “freedom” to do whatever I want, whenever I want. And all the job listings I found are only offering these pseudo-remote jobs: “You can work from home, but have to be in the office two days a week (or sporadically a couple of days a month)”. Nope. That’s not a remote job. That’s a hybrid model at best. And that’s why I haven’t really found anything where I can work.

The other side is, that I can still not generate any income from my own business. I’m just not good at finding clients. I’m also not confident in myself, and I doubt myself all the time. I just don’t know what I can offer that brings any value, or what my USPs are.

On Monday, I was talking to the man who stayed in New Zealand for the last ten years. We had an interesting conversation. He reminded me of “morning pages”, which, because of our conversation, I started to write again. It really feels good because I believe it helps me to get rid of my thoughts. It’s good to start the day with an espresso macchiato and writing the morning pages.

The rest of the week, I’ve been thinking a lot about myself. What do I want to do? What do I want my life to look like? Where do I see myself? Let’s see how that goes. During the time when I don’t really know what to do, I will work more on myself.

A little hope is leaving Kiel in January and February. Have been researching a bit where I can go. I really struggle with the darkness, and it’s not even the worst yet. For now, my idea is to stay in Kiel until the end of the year. To find opportunities and work – on myself and the business. In the first two months of the new year, I’d like to leave somewhere south, maybe Spain or Italy. It will probably not happen because I can’t even afford to buy food. But it does give me some hope, something to look forward to.

That’s basically it about this week. Let’s see what the next week will bring.